My awakening...

I have never questioned that there was a God. One God. Even though I grew up without religion, I knew Him and longed for Him but didn’t really know how to get to Him. I had gone to church with my Grandparents several times over the years and loved it but I didn’t do anything more than that. I didn’t know how.

When I met Scott, I loved the fact that he was Catholic and went to mass every Sunday. It was part of what I was searching for. I jumped in with two feet and converted a few months before we got married. I loved it. I loved the mass, the music, the message. I loved the deep rooted tradition and the fact that no matter where I went, I could walk into a Catholic Church and feel at home.

I remember feeling God’s presence on several occasions. One particular moment was during mass at St. Malachy. Before mass, I remember feeling so stressed. Work was stressful, home was stressful, my Father-in-law was dying and I felt like my world was crumbling. I kneeled and just asked for help. I felt a pressure on my head and shoulders and a warmth. It was as if God was giving me a great big hug and comforting me. I felt such a peace and I felt I could handle anything.

After many years, I fell into a routine with Church. I had always questioned certain practices of the Catholic church such as confession and communion. During mass, I kept saying to myself, “Would Jesus do this? Would Jesus say this? Would Jesus limit himself by making us cling to all of these rules? I just started thinking about all the rules in the Catholic Church and it started to feel wrong to me. I felt like I was doing everything I needed to do to be a good Catholic, but I was still searching for something deeper, with more meaning and was struggling to find it.

During my personal worship, I felt close to God but I couldn’t understand Jesus. I didn’t talk to Jesus, I didn’t pray to Him. I knew that He died and was resurrected but I didn’t know Him. I kept trying to find Him in the communion wafer but couldn’t connect. I was going to mass, working at the Diocese, teaching Religious Education to 2nd graders and leading them to the sacraments. I had the head knowledge but didn't know who Jesus was in my heart.

In March of 2016 at our annual fish fry, I was asked a question by a non-Catholic Christian. He asked me, “what chance do you have of getting to heaven?” I was highly offended by this question at the time. Me? Do you know who you are talking to? Look at my religious resume! I was doing everything I could to get to heaven. Of course I was going to heaven and how dare you ask me that. Or was I?

That question lingered in my thoughts. I wasn’t joyful during this time, in fact I was miserable. I was waking up at 3:00 am in a sweat, scared that this was it for my life.

When I found out about Scott's infidelity on June 13, 2016 I went to a Catholic Church and prayed for God to help me. I begged Jesus to help me because I knew I couldn't handle this one on my own.

Help me, He did. Over time, Jesus began to reveal Himself to me. It was if my eyes were opened for the very first time. I realized how sinful I had become and I realized how much I needed Jesus. I realized that He was bigger than anything I had been told or experienced. I started reading the bible. I started walking in nature, praying, meditating and asking questions. The questions were answered through scripture, conversations with friends at just the right time or messages in the most unlikely places.

What I have learned and believe now…

There were things in the bible that I had never heard before. The story of Jesus. I had heard it every year. Repeated on a cycle but didn’t realize I was only getting bits and pieces. Never the full story. Did you know that when Jesus was dying on the cross, right before he died, that he paid the payment for all the sin ever committed and yet to be committed? He felt God’s wrath for every bit of mankind’s sins. We are sinful by nature and cannot be close to God because He is sinless. Jesus was the last sacrifice necessary. His life was the cost of our salvation and His resurrection was victory over death.

Faith has nothing to do with religion. I feel that satan uses religion to divide us.

Faith has everything to do with your personal relationship with Jesus John 15:1-17

You cannot gain admittance into heaven by doing works (being a good person, taking communion, confession, attending mass, etc) only by the Grace of God by believing in His Son Jesus and turning away from your sin - John 3:16, John 3:36, John 11:25-26, Romans 10:9-10, Acts 16:30-31, John 14:6, Luke 23:39-43

God gave us the Holy bible and the Holy Spirit to help us - the bible is truth given to us by God. If we have any questions, the answers are in the Bible. As believers in Jesus, we are given the Holy Spirit to guide us, teach us and lead us. The Holy Spirit dwells within us. Between these two tools, the Bible and the Holy Spirit, we are equipped to accomplish the Father’s work here on earth whatever that may be.

In conclusion, this is the beginning of my spiritual journey. I now know who Jesus is and I have entrusted my life to Him. I stay close to Jesus through prayer, bible reading and now I am working on taking the time to stop and listen to Him. I am trying to live out His commandment to Love God and Love your neighbor and tell people about Him. Oh, and remember that question about getting to heaven? I now can answer that with all assurance that, yes, I am 100% sure that I am going to heaven.

I am learning more and more every day. If you have an questions about what I have written, please ask!!! I would love to answer. If you need prayers, please message me and I will pray for you.

So all may know,

Becky

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19